That is a question that puzzles many, me included. Without mentioning any names some well known couples have had their lives rocked by marital infidelity.
In some instances the couple stays together and their marriage goes to new levels. Those of us on the outside often ask, "How can she/he ever trust again?" Now that's a legitimate question. But let's also go a step farther and say that the answer applies to any relationship where trust has been violated.
Every relationship needs heat. The amount of heat determines the level of the relationship. Sure there are acquaintances where there is little heat and really there is no need for it.
Here's what I mean. Relationships where trust is high are H.O.T.
The letter "H" stands for honesty. When people lie trust is destroyed. No way around it. And let's be honest, if marital unfaithfulness happens a likely response is "What upsets me is not that you lied to me, but that I can no longer believe you." (Friedrich Nietzsche)
"O"penness reflects humility. We all have our own paradigms and way of looking at things. How open are we to consider the feelings, viewpoints, and ideas of others? When I am exposed to new ideas or principles am I willing to develop new habits?
"T" is for transparency. When something is transparent you can see right through it. Nothing is hidden.
Now let's return to the couple who had their marriage rocked. What was lacking? Honesty, openness, and transparency.
After the revelation and confession of the sin the couple makes a decision to keep their marriage together and work at rebuilding trust. Once again, for many that's a difficult concept to embrace.
However, notice that the environment has changed. The marriage now has honesty. No more lies. No more unexpained whereabouts. No more mysterious phone calls.
Openness has led each spouse to seek a better understanding of each other. Now the husband realizes that his going to a ball game caused his wife to feel rejected. That led to her pulling away and then he felt frustrated. Now the couple is seeking first to understand and then adjusting their behavoir accordingly. The result is more harmony and less friction.
The third thing necessary for restoring trust is transparancy. While it's easy to put openness and transparancy together let's look at transparancy as being real and genuine.
Obviously there is some overlap in all three terms. But let's put them together.
The marriage now has two people who are completely honest about their feelings, likes, dislikes, and other underlying emotions.
Also, each spouse is willing to make changes and operate from a different paradigm. They are open to do whatever it takes to restore trust and rebuild the marriage.
Finally, nothing is hidden. Everything is exposed to the light. No one is left wondering who the other person really is. No one is laying down at night trying to figure out who is lying next to her.
All of this does not overlook the hard work and the time it takes to rebuild trust. It absolutely takes time, and usually lots of it. As the relationship heats up and becomes HOT trust will begin to once again flourish.
So at the end of the day, how is it that a broken relationship can go to new heights. Let me add this thought. In the business world many would say that a "high-trust" organization outperforms a "low-trust" organization three to one.
If that is true think of the potential of a "high-trust" marriage. Think of your own relationships and marriage. Why wait for a meltdown, create the right environment today.