Mike Henderson

Personal P.E.A.C.E. Plan

You don't have to look far to realize that personal peace is missing.  We are going to bed at night worrying about our health, our finances, our jobs, our marriages, and our kids.

Here are five quick hits that can lead to more peace.

Practice the spiritual disciplines.  While we could identify several, at least make sure you are taking the time to pray and read your Bible every day.  Take time to reflect and meditate on the Bible.

Expect God to show up.  There is no way I or anyone else can predict when a breakthrough will come.  But I do know that faith plays a huge role.  (Matthew 9:29)

Associate with positive people.  They will encourage you and lift you up.  Avoid people who do not believe in you and who wear you down.

Control your emotions.  You simply cannot sit around and feel miserable.  If you do others will not want to be around you, and then you will feel even worse.  Sometimes our difficult circumstances are a way for God to come through and demonstrate that He has a greater purpose. (Philippians 1:28)

Enjoy the present.  Every week I play basketball with guys about twenty years younger than me.  But I can still compete.  Obviously at some point I will not be able to play at a high level.  Life changes, sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better.  We need to accept that and enjoy where we are presently.  Paul wrote and entire book on joy while he was in prison.  He knew how to enjoy the present.

No matter where life takes us, there is a way to experience personal peace.

How to S.U.C.C.E.E.D. in the Coming Week

In several conversations this past weekend a common question was "How was your week?"  My first response was, "You mean a week just went by?"  The truth is, time  does fly.  It is more than a saying, it is a reality.  If we are not careful a week can just disappear into thin air.  So as I begin each week this is typically my game plan. 

Start each day early and enthusiastically.  I realize there are many who hate crawling out of bed because they simply do not like their jobs nor do they look forward to them.  But being in the ministry it is imperative that my love and passion stay high.  If it ever goes I am done.  Other jobs you can continue to get by, but not in the church.  No one should stay on a church staff if their passion and love for the church is gone.

Understand my personal rhythms.  There are morning people and night people.  While I have written late at night before my most productive hours are before noon.  That is when I do the bulk of my research and writing.  Afternoons are for clearing clutter and reading.  I also read often in the evenings. 

Clarify my priorities.  For me I have three main priorities: Preaching, Prayer, and People.  I spend hours preparing a message every week.  I pray for everyone who attends New Hope.  And I spend a lot of time at Starbucks having coffee with various guys.  At the same time I have to keep my eye on the culture, the structure, and the strategies.

Clear the clutter.  Confession time.  I look for stuff way too much.  In fact, I can look right at book and not see it.  I then waste time looking in other places.  So it is important for me to clear as much clutter as I can on a regular basis.

Exceed expectations.  This is something that has carried over with me from construction.  I loved to set a goal, reach it by early afternoon and go home early.  While it didn't happen that often it was fun to leave early when it was 95 degrees outside.  On the minintry side the truth is the work is never done so it's a little more difficult to place a particular ending point.  But I can set a goal of reading perhaps 100 pages by 2pm and if I get done earlier go for a run or something.  I typically read a book a week so my goal is to finish one book and put it back on the shelf.  So I am thrilled to finish two books in a given week.

Expand my skills.  Some of the things I do weekly is challenge some of my assumptions, listen to five messages online, catch an occasional webinar, and read widely.

Deliver a practical, biblically based, and life-changing message.  Most of the church only sees me on Sunday morning.  And the message is a major part of the service.  And God uses the teaching of His Word to change lives.  So it is imperative that I am physically and spiritually ready for delivering the message on Sunday morning.  Everyone who has a job has to deliver something.  Figure out what it is and deliver.

Now take this same acrostic and describe how you will S.U.C.C.E.E.D. at work this week.

T.H.I.N.K.

In my last post I addressed the issue of unnecessary crititism.  Obviously some criticism is justifiable, but most of it is worthless and needless.  Either the wrong person is criticizing or the facts are not being honestly addressed.  But what if you feel something needs to be said.  Is there a filter your thoughts can be processed through?  That's where the acrostic T.H.I.N.K comes in handy.  Use it at work, at home, or in the church.

Remember, always stop and THINK before you speak.

T - Is is truthful?  Now this does not mean you can never share an opinion, but let's face it.  Lots of criticism is presented as if it is absolutely on target.  John 8:44 says the devil is the father of lies.  He lied to Adam and Eve in the very beginning.

H - Is it helpful?  It could be true, but not be helpful.  Ephesians 4:29 reminds us to use our words to encourage others.

I - Is it important?  How we say it is important.  When we say it is important.  It would probably not be a good idea to tell your spouse as soon as their head hits the pillow at night that he has been overspending.  Proverbs 21:23 admonishes us to watch what we say so we do not get into trouble.

N - Is it necessary?  Some things have to be said.  If someone is being hurt or abused by someone it must be told.  If you do not like the color of your best friends dress it may not be necessary to say anything.

K - Is it kind?  The old saying, "If you cannot say anyting nice don't say anything at all" would leave many mute for days.

But let me address for a moment when you are on the receiving end. 

First of all, you will at some point be misunderstood, slandered, or misrepresented.  Just keep doing the next right thing.  Maintain a humble, gentle spirit.  The apostle Paul knew all about criticism first hand.  His words in 1 Corinthians 4:13, "We appeal gently when evil things are said about us..." remain great advice for anyone on the receiving end of unnecessary crititism.

Finally, it's not always wise to defend yourself.  Just keep doing the right thing and over time others will know the truth.

I Love Working with F.A.T. People

Since my earlier days in the construction industry I have always enjoyed working with certain kinds of people.  The way I like to describe them is using the acrostic F.A.T.

So let's break that down. 

F stands for faithfulness.  Whenever we had to work on Saturday I could always tell you ahead of time who would show up.  Those who were faithful and showed up regularly.  In the same way, one of the first things I look for prior to asking for a serving commitment is are they showing up regularly.  It seems like a no-brainer, but if someone is not present they are of little value.  Dependability is huge in my book.  Someone once said, "Dependability is man's greatest ability."

A is for availablility.  We live in a time-starved society and I get that.  But if you want to serve then you will have to carve out some time.  Let's say you would like to be involved in a leadership position.  But then you say that your only free time is on Friday between 2 and 3pm.  To be honest you are not ready for a leadership postion, simply because you are not available.  Having one hour a week open in your schedule would not fit my defintion of being available.

T can be a deal-breaker.  It stands for teachability.  Can you be coached?  Are you open to feedback without getting your feelings hurt?   Are you still reading and learning.  John Wooden said, "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."  Think of it like this.  Arrogance is opposite of teachability.  Would you want to work with or hire an arrogant person?  Neither would I. 

There you have it.  Can you pass the F.A.T. test?  If so you are the kind of person I would like to have on my team.

Can Trust Be Rebuilt?

That is a question that puzzles many, me included.  Without mentioning any names some well known couples have had their lives rocked by marital infidelity.

In some instances the couple stays together and their marriage goes to new levels. Those of us on the outside often ask, "How can she/he ever trust again?"  Now that's a legitimate question.  But let's also go a step farther and say that the answer applies to any relationship where trust has been violated.

Every relationship needs heat.  The amount of heat determines the level of the relationship.  Sure there are acquaintances where there is little heat and really there is no need for it.

Here's what I mean.  Relationships where trust is high are H.O.T.

The letter "H" stands for honesty.  When people lie trust is destroyed.  No way around it.  And let's be honest, if marital unfaithfulness happens a likely response is "What upsets me is not that you lied to me, but that I can no longer believe you." (Friedrich Nietzsche)

"O"penness reflects humility.  We all have our own paradigms and way of looking at things.  How open are we to consider the feelings, viewpoints, and ideas of others?  When I am exposed to new ideas or principles am I willing to develop new habits?

"T" is for transparency.  When something is transparent you can see right through it.  Nothing is hidden.

Now let's return to the couple who had their marriage rocked.  What was lacking?  Honesty, openness, and transparency.

After the revelation and confession of the sin the couple makes a decision to keep their marriage together and work at rebuilding trust.  Once again, for many that's a difficult concept to embrace.

However, notice that the environment has changed.  The marriage now has honesty.  No more lies.  No more unexpained whereabouts.  No more mysterious phone calls.

Openness has led each spouse to seek a better understanding of each other.  Now the husband realizes that his going to a ball game caused his wife to feel rejected.  That led to her pulling away and then he felt frustrated.  Now the couple is seeking first to understand and then adjusting their behavoir accordingly.  The result is more harmony and less friction.

The third thing necessary for restoring trust is transparancy.  While it's easy to put openness and transparancy together let's look at transparancy as being real and genuine. 

Obviously there is some overlap in all three terms.  But let's put them together.

The marriage now has two people who are completely honest about their feelings, likes, dislikes, and other underlying emotions.

Also, each spouse is willing to make changes and operate from a different paradigm.  They are open to do whatever it takes to restore trust and rebuild the marriage.

Finally, nothing is hidden.  Everything is exposed to the light.  No one is left wondering who the other person really is.  No one is laying down at night trying to figure out who is lying next to her.

All of this does not overlook the hard work and the time it takes to rebuild trust.  It absolutely takes time, and usually lots of it.  As the relationship heats up and becomes HOT trust will begin to once again flourish.

So at the end of the day, how is it that a broken relationship can go to new heights.  Let me add this thought.  In the business world many would say that a "high-trust" organization outperforms a "low-trust" organization three to one. 

If that is true think of the potential of a "high-trust" marriage.  Think of your own relationships and marriage.  Why wait for a meltdown, create the right environment today.

 

F.R.I.E.N.D.

One of the great things about acrostics is they provide an easy way to remember things.  Also, at least for me they provide succinct descriptions, job descriptions, and definitions.

I suppose every one is looking for a friend, a new friend, or simply would like to be a better friend.  The Bible even talks about a "friend sticking closer than a brother."  What's one of those kind of friends look like.  Perhaps this will help.

Fun to be with.  This is the place to start.  I mean if you do not enjoy someone's company there will not be a friendship.  If you are trying to avoid someone there is a reason for that, and it's not because they are fun to be with.

Relational.  Let's face it.  Some have very little relational skills.  Some are just plain awkward socially.  Yes, a name has come to your mind and you are not scheduling time with them. 

Intentional.  This one may hurt a little.  It is so common to say to a friend, "Let's get coffee one morning" without scheduling it.  The reason I know is that I recently did it.  A lack of intentionality will eventually hurt the friendship.

Encouraging.  Everyone needs to be lifted up and encouraged.  Friends will do that for you.  They will lift your spirits, compliment you, spend time with you, and talk with you even in down times.

Nurturing.  In other words they will not overlook your emotional needs.  They will be empathic and will be willing to listen to what's going on in your life, the good and the bad.

Devoted.  As I look back to my high school years I recall one incident where my best friend took the heat for me in a particular situation.  Not many would have done that.  So how devoted or supportive are you of others, friends in particular?

Friends.  They are great to have.  And it's great to be one.  Do you find yourself on both sides of the friendship coin?

T.H.I.N.K.

Proverbs 25:11-The right word spoken at the right time is as beautiful as gold apples in a silver bowl. Words are powerful.  But who hasn't said the wrong thing at the wrong time or in the wrong way?

Is there a way to run our words through some type of grid before we actually say them?

Let's use the following acrostic.

True - Is it true?  Not everything that is true needs to be said.  I mean if someone asks you, "Does this dress make me look fat?" you may be wise not to answer with a quick 'yes.'  Just saying.

Helpful - Is it helpful?  Now to be honest sometimes the truth is not helpful.  It is already well established and will only cause defensiveness.

Important - Is it important?  Sometimes our motives are questionable.  Perhaps you are on the way to church and you mention to your wife that some of the bills were paid late.  This past Sunday we talked about money at New Hope, so the topic of bills is important.  But not on the way to church.  Not very helpful at that time.  And not important at that particular time either.

Necessary - If during the course of a conversation between several people, let's say the topic is marital satisfaction.  For someone to mention a troubled marriage that all were familiar with would be totally unnecessary.

Kind - Let's take the last illustration a step further.  To name drop another couple would not be kind.

If some were to take the advice, "If you cannot say anything nice don't say anything at all," you would think they were preparing for a major singing performance...they would go silent for days!

The counsel to 'think before you speak' can be helpful if you take the time to T.H.I.N.K.